Hidden City Curios

Cranberry stuff

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:22:00 -0500

So I don’t cook much, really. I used to cook more, back in the days before I started living alone again. Most of the time it’s just too much trouble when there’s a microwave and a freezer and a plethora of restaurants catering to the busy and the lonely.

But one dish I prepare each year is cranberries. I don’t know how to describe it beyond that. Cranberry jelly is that stuff you get out of a can, devoid of most flavor and all texture. Cranberry sauce is usually like cranberry jelly that’s been left on the counter next to thew stove for too long, as though no one remembered to put it on the table because no one really wanted it, anyway, they just wanted something red for the table. And cranberry relish, while delicious, isn’t even cooked, for heavens sake: just ground up cranberries and walnuts and oranges and stuff. So I don’t really know what to call it, but it’s pretty popular, so here’s the recipe.

Cranberry Stuff

Ingredients

2 bags of whole cranberries
2 cups of white sugar
2 cups of water
2 cups halfway decent dark rum
10 or so whole cloves
5 cinnamon sticks
a fistful of slices of fresh ginger root, peeled

Directions

Dump the sugar, water, cloves, cinnamon, and half the rum into a big pot, a soup kettle or something like that.
Turn the heat on high and stir enough to dissolve the sugar.
While waiting for the water to boil, pick through the cranberries and take out any that look kind of evil — weird spots, shriveled up, moving on their own. They are probably not good, and although the cooking might fix them, it’s better to be safe.
Put them in a colander, rinse them off with cold water, and drain them as best you can.
Once the water is full-tilt boiling, add the cranberries and ginger. Stir until everything is mixed well, then let it get back to a full boil.
Once the mix is safely boiling, add the rest of the rum (if you’ve resisted the temptation to just drink it yourself). Let it come back to a boil one last time, then reduce the heat to a simmer, put a lid on the sucker, and let it go for maybe half an hour.
Take the lid off the pot. If the berries have mostly burst open and turned into a lumpy red goo, you are almost there. Turn off the heat, put the lid back, and let it cool to room temperature by itself. Resist the urge to save time by throwing it in the fridge, as that will keep it from setting into the marmalade-like consistency you want.
Once it has set you should move it to some sort of plastic-ware and chuck it in the fridge, preferably overnight. By morning you will have a batch of sweet, tart, spicy, reddish stuff to add to the feast.

A few tidbits of wisdom garnered from years of experience making this stuff.

Do not walk away from the kettle while this stuff is boiling! Given the slightest provocation the mixture will expand and turn into a very hot and sticky reddish-pink froth which will boil over the sides of the pot, all over your stove top, down into your burner, and generally make your life hell; you may even consider just throwing away the range and buying a new one rather than attempting a clean-up.
If you are feeling considerate and sober you way want to remove the cloves and cinnamon sticks and ginger slices from the mix when you are transferring it to containers for the fridge. Or you can leave them in and call it “added texture.”
This recipe makes a lot of cranberry stuff. If you are cooking for a smaller group — say a division rather than a regiment — cut the amounts in half. (If dividing by two makes you frown and say “Math is hard” then just buy a can of the jelly and call it a day.) Fortunately, in addition to adding color and flavor to holiday meals, it is a killer topping for vanilla ice cream.
Optional ingredients: orange juice (or orange zest, if you’re down with kitchen gadgets); molasses (but not too much); Canton Ginger Liqueur (for the real drinkers). Okay, technically everything but the water, cranberries, and sugar is optional, but how dull is that?

And there you go: my only real recipe. If you decide to make it, let me know how it turns out.

zoomar: You practically get a “Facial” with every Barbasol...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:09:09 -0500

zoomar:

You practically get a “Facial” with every Barbasol Shave!

Oh my…

(via regardless)

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:27:05 -0500

(via regardless)

(via deltafoxtrot)

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:26:33 -0500

(via deltafoxtrot)

Richard Nixon’s (and H.R. Haldeman’s) Outrageous Plan… The...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:31:52 -0500

Richard Nixon’s (and H.R. Haldeman’s) Outrageous Plan… The Internet

Yes, this is more than a bit old, now, but it has so many...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:16:17 -0500

Yes, this is more than a bit old, now, but it has so many excellent elements which reward a closer examination.

[weareatomik.com]

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:45:56 -0500

uncertaintimes: laura9: Kids read Henry...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:29:59 -0500

uncertaintimes:

laura9:

Kids read Henry Miller.

http://laboiteapuces.com/

lozateazer: thedailywhat: Stop What You’re Doing And Watch The...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:13:29 -0500

lozateazer:

thedailywhat:

Stop What You’re Doing And Watch The Hell Out Of This of the Day: The entire cast of The Muppet Show perform the “Bohemian Rhapsody” cover to end all “Bohemian Rhapsody” covers.

(Seriously: Don’t bother covering “Bohemian Rhapsody.” You’d just be embarrasing yourself.)

[via.]

I have to agree with the above. I don’t think I’ve seen anything this epic, ever.

I am (barely) resisting the temptation to queue this to reblog every twelve hours until the end of time.

Poetry was serious shit in 70 BC

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:10:48 -0500

Poetry was serious shit in 70 BC:

syntheticpubes:

I will bugger you and face-fuck you.
Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius,
You who think, because my verses
Are delicate, that I am a sissy.
For it’s right for the devoted poet to be chaste
Himself, but it’s not necessary for his verses to be so.
Verses which then have taste and charm,
If they are delicate and sexy,
And can incite an itch,
And I don’t mean in boys, but in those hairy old men
Who can’t get their flaccid dicks up.
You, because you have read of my thousand kisses,
You think I’m a sissy?
I will bugger you and face-fuck you.

Preach it!

Amanda Palmer (backed by Nervous Cabaret) playing “Miss...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:08:30 -0500

Amanda Palmer (backed by Nervous Cabaret) playing “Miss Me” at the State Theater in Falls Church, VA. [I was there!] The Cabaret played their opening set, there was a short break where I immediately went out and bought everything I could from them, and then this opened Amanda’s portion of the show, with the band coming up through the audience on to the stage. It was all so very Wiemar Republic, and so very excellent.

“Melt It Down,” from Moon Wiring Club’s latest...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:58:40 -0500

“Melt It Down,” from Moon Wiring Club’s latest long-playing record, striped paint for the last post.

notquitefaust: murda: kaw: zuppadivetro: skiribilla: “E...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:33:55 -0500

notquitefaust:

murda:

kaw:

zuppadivetro:

skiribilla:

“E d’un tratto capii che il pensiero è per gli stupidi, mentre i cervelluti si affidano all’ispirazione”.

Omaggio di Massimo Carnevale.

angelspukeinyourbrain: <3 godisnotgreat: Duck! It’s...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:31:36 -0500

angelspukeinyourbrain:

<3

godisnotgreat:

Duck! It’s Militant Atheist Dr. Richard Dawkins!

soflobojo: Are you even TRYING anymore, Fox News?! Good...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:22:48 -0500

soflobojo:

Are you even TRYING anymore, Fox News?! Good lord.

agentmlovestacos:

This just in: Fox News raises maximum pie chart percentage from 100 to 193! Them’s a whole lotta percentages!

via zeblue:

Oh, Fox News. We all love you for your egregious errors, but hate that people accept them as fact. [via ilovecharts]

All 193% of Republicans Support Palin, Romney and Huckabee

I don’t know how long it will take me to stop laughing at this. but it will be a while.

By the way, using the word “retarded” top describe something really stupid is not really cool, so my friends and I have started using the word FOXy instead. Anyone want to do the heavy lifting and submit it to urban dictionary for me? I think I exceed their maximum age requirements.

copycats: “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” - Neil Youngoriginally...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:15:55 -0500

copycats:

“The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” - Neil Young
originally by Will Smith
(posted by sometimesagreatnotion)

This might just be the best cover I have ever posted. Neil Young played this last night on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and the universe was complete.

There is a level of awesome here that simply must be experienced to be appreciated.

angelspukeinyourbrain: I found it! Here is my old aura photo...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:41:39 -0500

angelspukeinyourbrain:

I found it! Here is my old aura photo taken in Edinburgh, Scotland on High Street in 2003? 2004? My life is a blur.

I’ve never had an aura photo taken. Wait, I vaguely remember something involving a Kirlian photo of my finger. I wonder where it went.

angelspukeinyourbrain: (via geneticmutations)

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:36:32 -0500

angelspukeinyourbrain:

(via geneticmutations)

fernandogilbertocortes: sammycasanova: seriously nicole. why...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:27:29 -0500

fernandogilbertocortes:

sammycasanova:

seriously nicole.

why wouldnt you want to be this?

is it just me or Velma is just hot here? :))

Va-va-va-Velma! Want to solve my mysteries?

Prudence

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:17:42 -0500

Prudence