Cranberry stuff
So I don’t cook much, really. I used to cook more, back in the days before I started living alone again. Most of the time it’s just too much trouble when there’s a microwave and a freezer and a plethora of restaurants catering to the busy and the lonely.
But one dish I prepare each year is cranberries. I don’t know how to describe it beyond that. Cranberry jelly is that stuff you get out of a can, devoid of most flavor and all texture. Cranberry sauce is usually like cranberry jelly that’s been left on the counter next to thew stove for too long, as though no one remembered to put it on the table because no one really wanted it, anyway, they just wanted something red for the table. And cranberry relish, while delicious, isn’t even cooked, for heavens sake: just ground up cranberries and walnuts and oranges and stuff. So I don’t really know what to call it, but it’s pretty popular, so here’s the recipe.
Cranberry Stuff
Ingredients
- 2 bags of whole cranberries
- 2 cups of white sugar
- 2 cups of water
- 2 cups halfway decent dark rum
- 10 or so whole cloves
- 5 cinnamon sticks
- a fistful of slices of fresh ginger root, peeled
Directions
- Dump the sugar, water, cloves, cinnamon, and half the rum into a big pot, a soup kettle or something like that.
- Turn the heat on high and stir enough to dissolve the sugar.
- While waiting for the water to boil, pick through the cranberries and take out any that look kind of evil — weird spots, shriveled up, moving on their own. They are probably not good, and although the cooking might fix them, it’s better to be safe.
- Put them in a colander, rinse them off with cold water, and drain them as best you can.
- Once the water is full-tilt boiling, add the cranberries and ginger. Stir until everything is mixed well, then let it get back to a full boil.
- Once the mix is safely boiling, add the rest of the rum (if you’ve resisted the temptation to just drink it yourself). Let it come back to a boil one last time, then reduce the heat to a simmer, put a lid on the sucker, and let it go for maybe half an hour.
- Take the lid off the pot. If the berries have mostly burst open and turned into a lumpy red goo, you are almost there. Turn off the heat, put the lid back, and let it cool to room temperature by itself. Resist the urge to save time by throwing it in the fridge, as that will keep it from setting into the marmalade-like consistency you want.
- Once it has set you should move it to some sort of plastic-ware and chuck it in the fridge, preferably overnight. By morning you will have a batch of sweet, tart, spicy, reddish stuff to add to the feast.
A few tidbits of wisdom garnered from years of experience making this stuff.
- Do not walk away from the kettle while this stuff is boiling! Given the slightest provocation the mixture will expand and turn into a very hot and sticky reddish-pink froth which will boil over the sides of the pot, all over your stove top, down into your burner, and generally make your life hell; you may even consider just throwing away the range and buying a new one rather than attempting a clean-up.
- If you are feeling considerate and sober you way want to remove the cloves and cinnamon sticks and ginger slices from the mix when you are transferring it to containers for the fridge. Or you can leave them in and call it “added texture.”
- This recipe makes a lot of cranberry stuff. If you are cooking for a smaller group — say a division rather than a regiment — cut the amounts in half. (If dividing by two makes you frown and say “Math is hard” then just buy a can of the jelly and call it a day.) Fortunately, in addition to adding color and flavor to holiday meals, it is a killer topping for vanilla ice cream.
- Optional ingredients: orange juice (or orange zest, if you’re down with kitchen gadgets); molasses (but not too much); Canton Ginger Liqueur (for the real drinkers). Okay, technically everything but the water, cranberries, and sugar is optional, but how dull is that?
And there you go: my only real recipe. If you decide to make it, let me know how it turns out.
